


How to Deal With a Crush 101 with Kyoutani Kentarou

by avocadoatlaww



Series: The AU In Which I Include Way Too Many Asexual Characters Because I Can [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Asexual Character, But i kinda like it, Idk their ship name, M/M, Roommates, University, and yahaba/watari, asexual kyoutani, because i keep seeing it and it makes me anxious af, but hey, from tumblr ofc, how to deal with a crush, it didn't work, it's a mess, iwaizumi gives good advice, mentions of iwadai, mentions of the hell site tumblr dot com, so i wrote this as a way to deal with my own problems, sue me, tw: aphobic comments, who cares, you can pry domestic iwadai out of my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 23:04:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14840903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avocadoatlaww/pseuds/avocadoatlaww
Summary: Kyoutani might have a crush, and he has no idea how to deal with it.





	How to Deal With a Crush 101 with Kyoutani Kentarou

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this to deal with my own problems. It didn't work, but I just wanted you to know that Kyoutani is basically me in this fic. I gave him some of my problems, and then I added some more. Because I love him. 
> 
> As always, English is not my first language, so please tell me if you find any typos or mistakes. 
> 
> It is, again, _sigh_ , after midnight, and I should be sleeping.
> 
> Haikyuu belongs to Furudate Haruichi.

Kyoutani had no idea how it had happened. Yesterday, he had been almost hundred percent certain he was aromantic asexual, as he had never had any interest in other people outside of friendships. That was yesterday. Today, he was sitting on Tanaka’s bed in their shared dorm room, watching him laugh at something in the movie they were watching, and thinking that he wouldn’t mind if Tanaka kissed him. _What the hell?_

The two of them had been friends since high school. Kyoutani had first met Tanaka on the hell site that is Tumblr dot com. They had been following each other for a while, as they both shared an interest in volleyball, but they didn’t start talking before Kyoutani posted a picture of his dog. Tanaka had left a comment on the picture, and that was the start of a long and close friendship.

The first time they met was on the court. Kyoutani had recognised Tanaka from the selfies he had posted. (No, it wasn’t like Kyoutani had looked through Tanaka’s selfie tag so often that he would probably recognise the guy even if he saw him from behind.) The game was rough. Karasuno was a strong team, and while it was fun playing against them, it was also incredibly frustrating. Tanaka, it turned out, was very good at riling Kyoutani up, and he didn’t calm down again before Yahaba slammed him against the wall.

It wasn’t before after the game, Kyoutani decided that he should probably talk to Tanaka. While Tanaka posted selfies every now and then, Kyoutani didn’t, and Kyoutani felt like he should let Tanaka know who he was. It was just fair, wasn’t it?

“Yo, Tanaka!” he shouted after the boy, when he was on his way off the court. Tanaka turned around and looked at Kyoutani, his face contorted in a grimace, like he was trying to intimidate someone. Kyoutani just raised his hand in a slight wave. Tanaka must have somehow realised who Kyoutani was. His face shifted into a big smile, and he bounded over to Kyoutani and hugged him.

“Kyoutani!” he exclaimed. “Great game! I’d love to stay and talk, but I have to go. Talk to you later?”

Kyoutani nodded, and Tanaka slapped him on the back with a laugh. Then he was gone.

When Kyoutani turned around to follow his own team of the court, they were all looking at him, slack jawed.

“You two know each other?!” Oikawa shrieked, and Yahaba muttered something about how Kyoutani actually knows how to smile, _what the fuck?_ Kyoutani just scowled at them.

After that, Kyoutani and Tanaka grew much closer. Tanaka was the best friend Kyoutani had ever had. That is, if you didn’t count his dog. If there was an emergency, he’d save his dog over Tanaka any day, and that was just how it was. Even Tanaka knew that. But Tanaka made Kyoutani feel safe, like Kyoutani didn’t need to hide any parts of himself when he was around. Tanaka didn’t mind when Kyoutani talked about the last fantasy book he had read, and he always listened to the “Theon Greyjoy deserves so much better” rant, even though he already knew it by heart. Tanaka didn’t mind because he did the same himself. He was always talking about whatever manga he was currently reading, Tanaka’s favourite being _Golden Kamuy_. (Apparently, Ogata was an asshole but still hot as fuck, and Tanigaki had the body of a god, goddamn.) Kyoutani still had no idea what it was actually about, other than the fact that there was apparently lots of bears in it?

When applying for student housing for university, Kyoutani realised he would have to share a room with someone else. The thought of having a roommate freaked him out, but as it was his only option due to finances, he just had to put a brave face on and do it. As if by a stroke of good luck, when Kyoutani and his dad turned up at the student house, Tanaka was there, in the room they were going to share, his sister outside running some errands. In that moment, Kyoutani almost started believing in higher powers.

They quickly settled into an easy routine of studying and hanging out. Tanaka wanted to become a PE teacher, and Kyoutani was studying to be a veterinarian. It was this routine that had led to Kyoutani’s current predicament. He really wouldn’t mind if Tanaka kissed him. Kyoutani never thought about kissing and going even further was a no-go for him. Why was he currently thinking about Tanaka, then? Thinking about how soft Tanaka’s lips probably were? Did he like Tanaka? Or was he just curious about kissing in general, as he had never kissed anyone before? Was it just because he knew Tanaka liked guys as well as girls?

Stomping down the intrusive thoughts, Kyoutani tried to shift his focus back on the movie they were watching. It was a Western movie that Tanaka liked. Some spy movie, Kyoutani remembered, but he had no idea what was actually going on except for the fact that two men were driving a tiny scooter.

The next weeks, Kyoutani tried his best not to think about how nice it would be to hold Tanaka’s hand, but it turned out to be a lot harder than he thought. Tanaka was there all the time, smiling and laughing, and just being a genuinely nice person. Well, it wasn’t like Tanaka was the prettiest person Kyoutani had ever met. Yahaba was aesthetically prettier, but Tanaka’s personality was so much better. His smile lit up the room, and Kyoutani wanted to be near him for the rest of his life. God, he was becoming so sappy.

Kyoutani quickly realised he needed to talk to someone about his problem, but he had no idea who. If his mum had still been alive, the choice would have been easy, but cancer had robbed her away too early. While his dad knew about his sexuality, talking about probable crushes with him just seemed awkward. Tanaka was usually Kyoutani’s confidant, but, well, not this time. For a while, Kyoutani thought about talking to Yahaba or Watari, as he was still in contact with both. Yahaba was kind of a dick though, although not as much of a dick as when they played together in high school. But talking to Yahaba, meant that Oikawa would learn about it as well. No one knew how, as Yahaba never explicitly told Oikawa anything, but the former captain just seemed to know. Watari would have been good, but Kyoutani wasn’t that close to him, and he was dating Yahaba, so no. This meant Kyoutani had only one option left. Iwaizumi. It would be awkward as hell, but Iwaizumi wouldn’t make fun of him or tell anyone.

Planning a meeting with his senpai was easy enough. Iwaizumi went to the same university as Kyoutani, and occasionally, they met up to play volleyball. It was after one of these meetings, Kyoutani poked Iwaizumi’s arm, and asked with a pout if they could talk, his eyes never meeting Iwaizumi’s. Iwaizumi looked at him quizzically but agreed to talk after they had finished cleaning up.

“So,” Iwaizumi said, sitting down opposite of Kyoutani. They had found an empty table in the library. It was close to the gym, so it was the most natural place to go. “What’s bothering you, Kyoutani?”

Iwaizumi was a good senpai, Kyoutani knew. He would understand, but it was still incredibly hard putting feelings into words.

“Uhm … so …” Kyoutani was being fidgety, he knew it, but he wasn’t known for being good with words. Thankfully, Iwaizumi was patient. “I’m not interested in people. Relationships. It’s gross. Just … no.” Kyoutani wanted to bang his head against the table, but Iwaizumi didn’t seem to be bothered by how long it took Kyoutani to get to the point. He just nodded calmly, showing that he was listening. “But there’s this one person. I wouldn’t hit them if they kissed me. I kinda want to hold their fucking hand and do mushy shit together, but I don’t know what to do. Because … uh … I don’t want to have …” Kyoutani cringed, “sex … with them. And just … I don’t wanna fuck this up, you know?” After finishing the last word, Kyoutani let his head fall to the table. He didn’t dare look up at his senpai. “Is this a crush?” he muttered, face pressed against the table.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat, and Kyoutani glanced up at him.

“Well,” Iwaizumi said, rubbing his neck. “I can’t say that I fully understand your problem. Because I am … uh … interested in … sex. But. Daichi says that you can be attracted to someone romantically and not sexually? He has a friend who’s asexual. That’s what you call it, right?”

Kyoutani, who had raised his head from the table, nodded.

“But Daichi’s friend has had crushes before, and I guess if you haven’t it might be different …” Iwaizumi smiled sheepishly. “Still, it does sound like a crush, though.”

At that, Kyoutani must have made a face, because Iwaizumi laughed softly.

“Just talk to them, Kyoutani. It’ll be fine.”

Iwaizumi’s phone buzzed on the table. Trying to be polite, Iwaizumi let it be, but Kyoutani just waved at it, signalling that he could check whatever it was making it vibrate.

“It’s just Dai,” Iwaizumi said in explanation. “He’s cooking tonight.” A soft smile had found it’s way onto his face.

“… Thank you,” Kyoutani grunted after a slight pause. “I’ll see what I’ll do.” With that, he stood up, bowed slightly at his senpai, and left. Before he was out of Iwaizumi’s line of sight, he turned back and scowled. “Don’t tell anyone.”

Iwaizumi laughed. “I wasn’t going to,” he said and continued typing out an answer to Sawamura’s text.

When Kyoutani was a kid, he had always wondered why people enjoyed kissing. His parents did, and people in books and movies did as well. But it was just trading spit, wasn’t it? Kyoutani had never understood why anyone wanted to press their mouth against someone else’s.

Later, he learned about sex. He didn’t get it. To Kyoutani, it sounded weird and gross, and when his classmates started talking about when and how they masturbated, Kyoutani did his best to block it out. Why did they try to make it into such a big deal? Kyoutani didn’t understand, and it made him feel alienated from his peers. It was as if they had all cracked a code he hadn’t, and it frustrated him.

He was on Tumblr when he first came over the word “asexual”. In true Tumblr fashion, the post was incredibly problematic, stating that asexuality didn’t actually exist, and that people who called themselves asexual were just attention seekers. Something about the word struck Kyoutani, though, and he ended up googling the term. After reading through way too many articles on the subject, Kyoutani realised that there was nothing wrong with him. He was just asexual and aromantic.

He came out to Tanaka first. Tanaka was safe. At that time, they hadn’t met yet, and they didn’t think they would meet soon either.

He came out to his dad a few weeks later. Kyoutani had been so scared his dad wouldn’t accept him, but his dad had only stopped cooking, looked at his son and after a short pause said: “ok”.

“Ok?” Kyoutani slumped into a chair.

“As long as you are happy, Kentarou, I don’t care who you want or don’t want to kiss.”

Kyoutani never came out to his team. It wasn’t their business.

Now, he had come out to Iwaizumi. It wasn’t like he meant to do it, but he needed to talk to someone, and Iwaizumi had been the best option.

The thought of talking to Tanaka about “The Crush”, as Kyoutani referred to it in his head, was daunting. Kyoutani wasn’t the best at finding the right words, and it wasn’t like he thought Tanaka liked him back anyway. Kyoutani knew he was a grumpy and easily angered. He knew that he was hard to deal with. Why would Tanaka even think about dating someone like Kyoutani?

Kyoutani had decided not to say anything when, one evening, the dreaded words fell out of his mouth. They were watching another movie, snuggled up on Tanaka’s bed. Kyoutani was sleepy, and next to him Tanaka was smiling, engrossed in the movie. That was when those traitorous words decided to slip out.

“Can I kiss you?”

When Kyoutani realised what he had said, he stiffened, but Tanaka didn’t say anything. Maybe he hadn’t heard him. Glancing over at Tanaka, Kyoutani quickly realised he had. Tanaka was looking at him. He looked curious, but there was also hesitation in his eyes.

“Hey, Kyoutani?” Tanaka said.

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure?”

“I … uhm,” Kyoutani started. “I think? Uh … I guess I, you know, like you? Like … romantically? Still ace, though.”

At that, Tanaka beamed. “Man, I’ve had the biggest crush on you for like … forever! But I thought it was hopeless.”

“You … what?” Kyoutani stared at Tanaka. “Wha- How?”

“Dude, you’re like the coolest person I know! How could I not?” Then Tanaka smiled shyly. “So, uhm, can I kiss you?”

Kyoutani’s mouth suddenly felt dry. He licked his lips and nodded his assent.

Tanaka cupped Kyoutani’s face lightly with his hands and pressed his lips softly against Kyoutani’s own. And, oh. _Oh._

“So, what do you think?” Tanaka asked, a slightly anxious tilt to his voice. “Did you like it?”

“I- ye-yeah, I did … uh … I liked it.”

“Can I do it again?”

Kyoutani nodded.

The movie was still playing in the background, but both boys had completely forgotten about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Tanaka: So, I'm your first crush?  
> Kyoutani: Yes  
> Tanaka: Like _first_ first?  
>  Kyoutani: Yes  
> Tanaka: Like the only one?  
> Kyoutani: ... yes  
> Tanaka: *slings arm around Kyoutani and kisses him on the cheek* Man, I feel proud
> 
> -
> 
> Thanks for reading! This is one if the longest one shots I have ever written (omg), and it feels nice to be honest. 
> 
> The movie they are watching in the beginning is [The Man From U.N.C.L.E.](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1638355/?ref_=nv_sr_1), which is a brilliant movie. And, yes, there is a scene with Henry Cavill and Armie Hammer on a tiny scooter. It's hilarious.
> 
> Also, I am shamelessly promoting [Golden Kamuy by Noda Satoru](https://myanimelist.net/anime/36028/Golden_Kamuy?q=golden%20ka). (I'm linking the anime because MAL is being dumb.) Please, check out both the anime and the manga. I haven't been this obsessed with a manga since I read Haikyuu.
> 
> This whole fic is basically me trying to deal with the fact that I'm aroace, but I might possibly have a crush? So, I made Kyoutani aroace and made him crush on Tanaka. I still have no idea whether or not I have a crush, but oh well. 
> 
> Also, I have no idea how uni works in Japan, so this is mostly based on what I know about uni in Norway and England. I am also freaking out because I have to share a room with a complete stranger starting this autumn. 
> 
> If you actually read this long ass note: thanks.


End file.
